there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
