My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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