im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
