I accidentally had phone sex last night
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Randomize
