Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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