we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
