Sober January is a disaster.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
