i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
