I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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