hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
"it" just moved
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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