Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
