Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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