I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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