I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
