Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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