Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I puked a lego.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
