i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
