Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Randomize
