I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
