My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
