Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
two words: eviction party
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Who died my cat blue again?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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