Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
