If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
