But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
