those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
