oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
