we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
