New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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