Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
