one two three fourrrrnication!
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
