So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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