I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
