You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
