my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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