every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
