the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
