You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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