Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
