so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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