I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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