Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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