And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
foreskin is a definite game changer
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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