i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
