is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize