shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
