I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
