Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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