you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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