I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
