I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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