I'm really into asian looking animals
After last night, I could never be a politician.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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