I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
