I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Randomize
