My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Randomize
