Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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