If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I will pee on everything he values.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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