I love black thongs
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
