My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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