i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize