I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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