woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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