why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
