Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
