the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
